Embracing my longing for intimacy
After 5 years being in relationship (and 7 years before that, and 2 years before that and almost all the years before that, going all they way back to when I was 14 🤭 ) it felt weird to be ’alone’ again. I was so used to being together with someone that I felt a little lost at first. I guess what I missed most in the beginning was intimacy. Sleeping together, deep conversations, kissing and cuddling, exploring together eating together, making love. Now suddenly there was this hole, this emptiness in my life…
In the past I would have fallen immediately into the arms of another man, to not feel this emptiness inside, to not feel the discomfort and fear of being alone or not loved. But thank god this time life showed me a different path. I really wanted to break with this pattern and face my fears and sit with them. Embracing my longing for intimacy, embracing the heartache, the feelings of boredom, loneliness, sadness and insecurity. Not always pleasant of course, but I knew it was essential for my healing and growth. And it has been so worth the ride. It brought me into a beautiful relationship with myself. And this deep intimate connection with the Self is what my soul has been yearning for.
Being my own lover
It feels so grounding to experience and witness my own energy again. Not my energy combined, mixed up, merged and intertwined with another person. No Just me. Me in my own energy field. Pure and Clear. Following my own flow. Trusting my own guidance. Taking care of myself. Holding space for myself. Enjoying myself. Loving myself. Yes I became my own Lover! And I realise I am actually a pretty good Lover haha! This has been such an empowering and liberating realisation for me! To rediscover myself in my vunerability and innocence is truly a gift. My Heart ache turned into Heart expansion. There is always more LOVE.
This does not mean I never have an off day anymore or start dreaming again about ‘my dream man’, but I know better now and feel committed to first of all keep deepening the relationship with myself. Once this connection is firmly established nothing is needed and all is Welcome.
Many of the practices that helped me to heal my heart ache and learned me to truly love myself I share in my Bali Bliss Women Retreat and the True Feminine Retreats that I will lead in 2020. Read more by clicking on the links!