(This topic can be seen from both women and mens perspective. But I will be writing from the feminine perspective here)
I often hear from women that they are not happy with how they are being touched by their lover or partner. Too rough, too fast, too goal oriented, too little presence, appreciation and affection. Many of us just let them do their ‘thing’ because we hold the idea that we need to please our men. We are afraid to speak up and share our own needs and desires. Besides that we maybe also don’t really know what we want. We just feel that this is not it.
Others shut down all together and close the door to intimacy completely. We shift the attention to daily tasks like work, household, kids and watch Netflix in the evenings. Hiding ourselves behind excuses of ‘too busy’ and ‘too tired’ to truly connect with each other. We try to accept there is no intimacy any more, but deep down inside it hurts right? We all crave touch and we all want to feel loved.
Now here comes the thing. It is easy to blame your partner for not touching you as you desire or not touching you at all. We can even start to feel resentment towards him when he is not giving you what you need. But when we hold resentment in our system our bodies shut down and it becomes nearly impossible to open up again. And this is such a shame, because our bodies are for us to enjoy. They come alive trough touch and intimacy!
Believe me, I have tried the blaming and complaining many times and I still do sometimes. But I know it is not working. For example sometimes I feel we are not so connected any more and then I want him to touch me more often and really take time for us so my body can open again. I share this with him, but he feels like he is doing something wrong and shuts down or feels pressure and backs off even more. Not the result I am hoping for.
Maybe sounds familiar to you?
So what to do? Well like always, it starts with YOU! Don’t just wait for things to change or be depended on what he gives you. Of course you can always ask for what you would like. But sometimes your needs are not being met by the other. So we have to take responsibility for our own needs and desires.
It is easy to say ‘I want you to give me this’ but it can be difficult for him to give you something that you don’t give or maybe don’t even know how to give to yourself?
Very often the problem is that we women are too much in our masculine energy to really be in touch with ourselves and our bodies. We have neglected our bodies and we are out of touch with our feminine energy. In order to reconnect with our feminine essence we need to get out of our heads, drop in to our bodies, slow down, feel and soften.
It is up to us to discover what we truly like, how we want to be touched, how we want to be intimate with ourselves and with our partner.
When you have that clear, you start giving it to your self. Start to touch your self in the way you desire, start to look at your self in the way you would want your partner to see you, move in the way you want to be moved, be intimate with your self, BE YOUR OWN BEST LOVER.
The point is we can not expect our partners to show up for us if we are not showing up for ourselves first! It is our job to find out how to love ourselves up, give ourselves the touch we desire and learn to respect and enjoy our body.
This has been a complete game changer for me personally! Knowing how to fill my own cup, knowing how to nourish my self when my needs are not directly met by my partner. Because I know now eventually he will feel my vibes and will naturally respond to it. He will start to mirror back that what I have gifted myself. Time, presence, softness, appreciation, LOVE. It is almost inevitabile. It is the law of nature.
The best part is, even if he is not responding after you invested in your self (give him some time), you feel fulfilled any way. Because the ‘neediness’ is gone. You are already content and in your happy space!
And happiness is contagious. Probably it will inspire your partner to also feel deeper into his true needs and desires and start to explore!
And now imagine two people who know how to touch and love themselves come together…
In Nourishing the Feminine – my online course for women, we explore this topic in real depth.
I share with you powerful self love practices, we explore our feminine bodies and learn to give ourselves everything we desire.
Feel welcome to join my 5-week online Women Circle!
Reach out for more info